So, with mixed emotions I announce the end of an era. I’ve had a love affair with
gel. As of 8:37am today, I have made the switch to Pomade 
.
I know what you are thinking….
why… why now — after all this time… after all the money i’ve spent.
Yeah, I asked myself the same questions. So far, the only answer i’ve come up with is because life is about change. Hair is about life. And therefore, change is about hair.
Very troubling. Not only is there now a reality show about car salesmen…. there is the fact that I actually watched it last night.
…what is my world coming to…? Do I need to subscribe to an additional 300 comcast channels? I mean, isn’t 82 of them enough?
In the spirit of my favorite book series growing up, choose your own adventure …..
——————————————————————————————————————–
Background
——————————————————————————————————————–
You are a highly intelligent and personable programmer. You have a great circle of friends, a wonderful girlfriend, a supportive family and a lucrative career. In your free time you sometimes play soccer, get your heart pumping by playing video games and you have never been known to turn down a ping pong game
——————————————————————————————————————–
Story
——————————————————————————————————————–
Life as you know it is about to change. You’ve reached the age where you must now make some decisions. Get ready and buckle your seat belt….
——————————————————————————————————————–
Let’s Begin!
——————————————————————————————————————–
So, you are walking down the street from the bar. It’s 8:30pm on a Thursday night. You notice someone attempting to break into someone’s car using a crow bar. Do you:
- Call 811 on your cell phone
- Yell at the bastard and give chase as he attempts to run away
- Use your camera phone to take a picture for evidence
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 1———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to dial 811 on your cell phone. You are a moron. 811 connects you to nothing. Not only has the car been broken into, the police eventually show up to the scene and arrest you for your stupidity. The following week you are laid off from your company and you now surf craigslist daily looking for catering work.
The end.
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 2———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to give chase and yell at the guy. You catch the dude and are able to hold him down until the police come. The police show up but have better things to do and they let the guy off the hook. You are however encouraged to apply for a job with the police dept. and are handed an application. Do you:
2a) Say "Thanks, but no thanks"?
2b) Fill the application out?
2c) Offer the cops leftover donut holes?
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 3———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose take a picture of the guy with your cell phone. Great job of taking a picture of the dark!!! In your attempt to get a cool new cellphone last month, you chose a camera phone with no flash… The cops eventually come onto the scene after the dude left and are highly unimpressed with your photography.
Later that week, you get your review at work and you "met all".
The end…
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 2a———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to say "Thanks, but no thanks" to the police officers offering you an application for employment. The cops drive off, and you finally get home.
You feed yourself a frozen burrito, mix up some jack and coke and sit in front of your pc to play some starcraft until 3:30 in the morning.
The following week you are surprised at work when you receive a "exceeds some" on your quarterly review and are stoked because they are featuring your favorite soup at Soup Co. that day….
The end….
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 2b———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to take the application and fill it out. You diligently fill out all 5 applications. 3 weeks later you are contacted to take a series of tests including: physical agility, personality, written and medical tests. You pass all with flying colors and are set to go into the next academy. Do you:
2b1) Say, "Thanks, but no thanks"?
2b2) Flip a coin?
2b3) Start practicing your push ups because you are headed to the academy?
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————-CHOICE 2c———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to offer the cops your left over donut holes. They seemed to appreciate them as the sped away.
The following day at work you related the events from the previous night to your pals at the water cooler.
The end….
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————CHOICE 2b1———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to fill out the application but when offered the position you turned it down. Your boss at work found out that you were thinking about switching careers and took you off of your project. You now surf the web all day and dream about what could have been.
The end….
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————CHOICE 2b2———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to fill out the application but when offered the position you decided to flip a coin. You chose a quarter. In the air, you decided if it were heads you would be heading off to the academy…..
it was…….
…..
…………..
tails.
You are staying put. But the good news is that its Turkey day at the cafeteria at work! You decide to have extra gravy and bring your lunch back to your desk.
The end….
——————————————————————————————————————–
———————————————CHOICE 2b3———————————————————–
——————————————————————————————————————–
You chose to fill out the application and when offered, you take the job on the spot! You promptly quit your job, and soon you find yourself at the academy. The days are long and hard, but you find yourself at peace with your decision. Unfortunately you no longer see your friends that much, but hope that once all is finished you will have time again.
In the middle of the academy, you get injured. You have no option but to leave the academy, and possibly come back into a later one once you recover….
For now, you decide to go back to the corporate world and spend time with your family and friends. You are happier than you have ever been in your life and you feel blessed that you were able to choose your own adventure and see what came of it…
You go back to your old job with a promotion and double your salary.
The end….
Oct. 30 - Nov. 4 2005
# of hours spent polishing shoes = 10
# of hours striping and polishing brass = 11
# of hours doing pushups = 1
# of pushups = 500
# of hours spent in lectures = 30
# of hours spent marching = 8
Average day from when I wake up to when I am finished for the day = 0530 - 2100
———————————————————————-
Ahhh…. my first week. I’m sore in places i’ve never seen advertised on those tv commercials. There are still 50 of us left in our class and no one has been kicked out yet. It really feels like some sort of reality tv show sometimes with the element of voting someone off (though that’s not how it works here…).
The hardest part so far has been not having any time for myself. Every minute of your day is accounted for, and though you have breaks, they are often taken up by some dodo in the class asking some irrevelant question right before the lecture is to end. They will be the first ones that I vote off (ha).
Everyone is pretty nice, and so far we are working as a team. The instructors are drilling into our heads: teamwork, honesty and integrity. Most of this drilling is in the form of pushups. YUM.
Anyhow, its now 5:30 and need to hit the road.
ps: Had my first donut in 9 years yesterday. DELICIOUS
It’s official - got the letter this afternoon.
8am on Oct. 31st you will be able to find me in "business attire" sitting in the classroom at the academy.
Every day there after for 31 weeks you’ll be able to find me in my uniform running my ass off, doing pushups, studying and saying "yes sir" … a lot.
Just wanted to give a big thanks to all of those who have seen me through this process so far:
Caroline - You have done such a great job at being my rock. Hope I have done a good job at being yours. I love you.
Marc - "Uh, hey Marc…" Not sure if this is part of our master plan or not but I definetly am grateful to have had your support all along.
Denise and Bridget - I’ve only obsessed about this with you guys for about 263 hours this last year. Thanks for all of your help with all of it….!
KimAn - "Dude, seriously though" (haha). Honestly am so fortunate to have you in my life. You have always been supportive and most of all encouraging.
Lara - Dude… Dude… Dude.. Hope my outfit isn’t as short as your’s was.
Katie - Thanks for all of your words of wisdom and always giving me a good dose of laughing my ass off.
Lauren - Thanks for being so hot. Ok kidding, (not about the hot part, just about thanking you for it)… You’ve been awesome with everything.
To everyone else not mentioned - THANK YOU!
Ok, NOW it is officially time for the party.!
– got the call –
Announcing the official release party for the new single by the White Hamster Rapper: "Not a Gerbil"
Yep yep y’all, you will be able to pick up the new song in the stores by August 1st. Here is a sneak peak to the lyrics:
———————————————–
Ahh 1, 2 ahh 1, two
what up yo
its me the white hamster and i’m back
to rock the microphone
…can I get a beat? …
Don’t confuse me
or abuse me
by sticking me up your ass
cuz I ain’t no gerbil
….no reason
to get so verbal
Just back off, biiitch
***hibee hibbee hibeee****
HOLLLLLLAH
2nd Verse same as the first….
Upwards and onwards even if it is by going downwards and backwards.
ps: click on the picture for the full effect
Hear Ye Hear Ye
I will be having the 1st Semi-Annual Fan Appreciation Day this Sunday July 17th at 1pm. Come join for BBQ, soccer, autographs by yours truly, and last but certainly not least, the "all you can blog" contest (eerily similar to the Nathan’s All You Can Eat Hot Dog competition).
There will be a special performance by the Original White Hamster Rapper
For details about the event, and to get put on the evite list please either mail me or post a comment.
1st 4 people at the 1st Semi-Annual Fan Appreciation Day will be entered into a special drawing. Grand Prize will be a blog entry in your honor.
